Magical Miserable Misadventures
by SirGuadalupeTheFluffy
Summary: Modern AU. Enjolras is a magician and Grantaire is his usual skeptical self. When Enjolras invites him to come along with him and his band of misfit magicians, Grantaire is pleasantly surprised. But does Enjolras have ulterior motives?
1. Chapter 1

The audience was in stunned silence, the way Enjolras loved it.

"Now," He said loudly so the entirety of the captivated people could hear him, "Is there anyone here who does not believe that our magic is real?"

Not a soul dared to speak up. Enjolras smirked.

But then came a slurred voice from the very back of the crowd.

"Yeah, um, I don't! Magic is bullshit!"

Enjolras' gaze turned sharply to the man who had yelled out. He was probably not much older than Enjolras himself and was staring at the magician defiantly.

Enjolras forced an annoyed smile.

"Well, sir, why don't you come on up to the stage and see if we can change your mind. Bahorel, would you kindly bring the doubter up here?"

An usher roughly grabbed the man's arm and half-dragged the stumbling man up to the stage.

"Now, what's your name, non-believer?" Enjolras questioned the man.

"Grantaire," the man looked at the handsome blonde in suspicion, "Whaddare you gonna do?"

"I'm going to make you believe," Enjolras' ice blue eyes gazed into Grantaire's coldly, for a second then turned to his assistants, "My lovely assistant Jehan will help me with this trick." Enjolras beckoned his friend with a nod of his head and a boy with flowers twined into his golden hair stepped forward.

"Now," Enjolras turned back to Grantaire, circling him like a lion about to pounce on prey, "When I say sleep, you're going to sleep. And when you wake up, I'm going to make you believe."

"What's the flower child for then?"

"You might never know," Enjolras' smirk got wider, "Now, sleep."

He snapped his fingers and Grantaire suddenly keeled forward into Enjolras' arms. The audience applauded.

"Now, Jehan, come here. Try to lift Grantaire for me."

Jehan's tried to take Grantaire from Enjolras, but the man was too heavy and Jehan stumbled under his weight.

"He's a rather hefty guy, right?" Jehan nodded, "Why don't you try it now?" Enjolras snapped his fingers again and Grantaire started levitating.

"He's not attached to anything is he, Jehan?" Enjolras asked.

"No, of course not."

"Prove it."

Jehan produced a hula hoop out of midair and encircled Grantaire with it to prove there was nothing beneath him or above holding him up.

"Let's see what he has to say about it?" Enjolras snapped his fingers again.

"Wha-what?!" Grantaire's eyes flew open.

"You're flying," Enjolras informed him.

"I… what?"

Grantaire twisted his head to see that he was hovering several feet off the ground and basically flipped out.

"How are you..?!"

"Magic," Enjolras grinned, "And that concludes tonight's show! Thank you very much, you've been such a great audience! Good night!"

The audience applauded loudly, standing up in their chairs. Then the lights to the stage went out. There was a thump and a loud curse and then the lights came back on. Enjolras and his assistants were gone, leaving only Grantaire on the stage. He had stopped levitating and had promptly fallen on his butt.

The people laughed and cheered and finally filed out of the theater.

Grantaire grumbled, picking himself off the ground. He groaned and rubbed his now sore butt and realized that something was missing.

"Those little fuckers stole my wallet!" He yelled to no one in particular.


	2. Chapter 2

Beneath the stage, Enjolras and his friends were congratulating each other on another well-performed show.

"If we keep performing shows like that, we'll have doubled our budget for props by the end of the month!" Combeferre said excitedly.

"And if we keep calling audience members up to the stage, we can lift even more!" Bahorel laughed, holding up Grantaire's wallet.

"Idiot!" Enjolras hissed, snatching the wallet from Bahorel, "We want to keep ourselves in business! That's not going to work if we get arrested for stealing from the audience!"

"Geez, okay I get it," Bahorel put his hands up, "He didn't have a lot of money anyways."

Enjolras scowled and held out a hand, silently demanding Bahorel to hand over anything that might have been removed from the wallet.

Bahorel sighed and gave back the few singles and the twenty dollar bill that he had lifted.

Enjolras put it back in the wallet.

"I'm going to see if I can find him and return this to him. Hopefully he won't press charges." With one last pointed look at Bahorel, he headed up the stairs to the stage

Grantaire was just storming to the doors when Enjolras spotted him.

"Hey!" He called out.

Grantaire turned around to glare at the handsome blonde, "What? Do you want my cell phone too?"

"No," Enjolras held out the wallet to him, "I didn't know Bahorel had taken it. I apologize. And if there's anything missing, I will personally saw him in half during the next show."

Grantaire actually laughed a little at that, and made his way to the stage to retrieve his wallet.

"How did you do that floaty thingy anyways?" Grantaire questioned as he approached the blonde.

"Magic," Enjolras said.

"Bullshit. Tell me."

"A magician never reveals his secrets."

"Don't give me that."

"If I told you, I'd have to kill you."

"Go ahead," Grantaire spread his arms out wide, "Just tell me."

Enjolras stared at him for a second as though trying to look through him.

"If I told you, you'd have to join us."

Grantaire hesitated for a second. An attractive blonde magician was asking him to travel around with him as part of his magic crew. Was he dreaming?

"Fine. You have yourself a deal, Blondie."

"My name is Enjolras," Enjolras said stiffly.

"Nice to meet you, Apollo."

"Are you trying to get on my nerves?"

"Yes."

"Well it's working, so shut up," Enjolras pulled a lever on the stage, opening a trapdoor.

Grantaire, to his deep embarrassment, screamed like a little girl as the floor dropped from beneath his feet. He landed in a tangled heap on top of Enjolras.

"Get off of me," Enjolras commanded.

The rest of the crew stopped what they were doing to stare at them.

"What is he doing here?" Courfeyrac asked as Jehan tangled flowers into his wild curls.

Enjolras just smiled.

"I have my reasons, Courfeyrac," He snapped his fingers, "Musichetta, dear, would you mind finding something a bit more… flashy for Grantaire to wear?"

"Whoa," Grantaire said, shying away from Musichetta's grasp as she stepped forward, "Why do I need something flashy? I don't do flashy."

"That's obvious," Enjolras made a face like Grantaire's lack of flashiness was distasteful to him, "Which is exactly why you need flash. If you're going to travel with us, you need to at least look the part."

Musichetta grabbed Grantaire's arm and dragged him behind a changing screen where a brief struggle was heard.

Grantaire popped out a moment later wearing a pair of spandex tights and nothing more.

All of the amis burst into laughter.

"I'm not wearing this," Grantaire stated grumpily.

"No you most certainly are not," Enjolras agreed, averting his eyes, "Something with a little less… skin showing perhaps Musichetta?"

Musichetta nodded and dragged Grantaire back behind the screen for another brief struggle.

Grantaire popped out again, nearly blinding everyone from the amount of sparkles on the one garment he was wearing.

"Oh hell no," Grantaire's voice was muffled as the garment covered his entire being, not showing an inch of skin anywhere.

Enjolras chuckled, "A bit less… whatever that is."

Musichetta pulled him behind the screen one last time and when Grantaire stepped out again, he was wearing a suit accented with card suits here and there. Musichetta forced a top hat down over his wild black curls and stepped back to observe her handiwork.

"I think he looks hot," she said.

"Perfect," Enjolras agreed and Grantaire slowly felt himself turn red.

"Well now that he looks pretty, what are we going to do with him?" Feuilly asked.

"Teach him a few tricks, have him hand out flyers, usher a little," Enjolras shrugged, "New recruits have endless potential."

"Why me?" Grantaire asked suddenly, "Why did you ask me to come with you?"

"I take it as a personal challenge to change one who doesn't believe…" Enjolras held up a tarnished penny to make his point, "…into someone who does believe."

He palmed the penny and opened his hand to produce a brilliant white dove that landed agreeably on Grantaire's shoulder.

"Whoa."

"For now, I think it's a good time for dinner and then to bed, don't you agree boys?"

The rest of the amis nodded and began talking amongst themselves as they headed out of the room.

"Um… Enjolras?" Grantaire asked, "what am I supposed to do with this dove?"

Enjolras didn't turn around, just snapped his fingers and the bird disappeared off of Grantaire's shoulder with a flash and a pop.

"Holy shit man, your bird just exploded!"

Enjolras just chuckled, still not turning around. Grantaire hurried to catch up to him.

"Seriously, what did you do to that bird?!"

"Calm down," Enjolras laughed softly, putting his hands in his pockets and matching his pace to Grantaire's so they were walking side-by-side in a relaxed manner, "Osbert is fine. Just some flash paper and some sleight of hand."

"Your dove is named Osbert?"

"Jehan named it. He has about as much good sense in names as he does in clothing. Which is to say, very little."

"I heard that!" the blonde boy called back to them, "And I resent it! Osbert is a perfectly good name for a dove!"

"On what planet?"

"Earth!"

"What Earth are you living on Jehan?" Courfeyrac asked.

"Will you stop judging me? You're the one who wanted to name it His Most Royal Highness Arthur Bernardo Calcifer Dominic Elliot Frederic Gabriel Henry Ivan Jasper Kingsley Lucifer Maximillian Neil Oswald Philip Quentin Roger Samuel Tristan Umberto Vincent Walter Xander Yaegar Zachariah the Dark Overdove of All."

"Because His Most Royal Highness Arthur Bernardo Calcifer Dominic Elliot Frederic Gabriel Henry Ivan Jasper Kingsley Lucifer Maximillian Neil Oswald Philip Quentin Roger Samuel Tristan Umberto Vincent Walter Xander Yaegar Zachariah the Dark Overdove of All is the most bitching name in the entire universe!"

"No one would be able to remember it," Grantaire muttered.  
"Jehan did!"

"That's because Jehan is Jehan and he remembers the weirdest things ever," Bossuet said as he tripped over his own foot and stumbled into Joly.

"I like Osbert better than His Most Royal Highness Christopher Rupert Wendy Jacob-whatever the hell you just said that I can't even remember," Grantaire stated.

"I agree. That's why we named it Osbert," Enjolras said.

Jehan smiled triumphantly at Courfeyrac, who scowled in reply.


	3. Chapter 3

After dinner, Enjolras personally showed Grantaire to where he would be sleeping.

"We don't have many rooms available, so you'll be sharing with me because you're sure as hell not rooming with Musichetta."

Grantaire nodded, feeling about ready to just fall into bed. But then he turned around to find that Enjolras had removed his flashy jacket and had his shirt halfway unbuttoned.

He could feel his face heating up.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" Enjolras asked as he slipped off his shirt, revealing well-toned muscles as well as spilling a few cards and Osbert the dove out of his sleeve.

"Shit," Enjolras muttered, bending down to pick up the cards while Osbert made an escape attempt, only to be caught in Grantaire's hair, knocking off his newly acquired top hat in the process.

"OH MY GOD IT'S IN MY HAIR!" Grantaire screamed in a very manly fashion, trying to swat at the dove tangled in his raven locks.

"Calm down!" Enjolras said looking up in alarm, "You're going to hurt him!"

Grantaire froze even as the dove struggled hopelessly in his hair.

Enjolras carefully stepped towards him, gently laying a hand on Osbert to calm him and quickly untangling the poor bird from Grantaire's hair.

Osbert quickly flew onto the post of the bunk bed and ruffled his feathers indignantly.

"What's all the screaming abou- oh," Courfeyrac opened the door to find Enjolras- still shirtless with his fingers in Grantaire's hair, "I see. I understand your _reasons_ for bringing him along. I got chu bro," Courfeyrac grinned and waggled his eyebrows at Enjolras, "Well, continue. Don't let me interrupt your sexy times."

And with that Courfeyrac closed the door.

"WE'RE NOT HAVING SEXY TIMES THERE WAS A BIRD IN MY HAIR!" Grantaire yelled at the closed door.

"Sounds kinky," Courfeyrac's voice came muffled from the other side, "It's okay. Your sexy secret is safe with me."

"SHUT UP OR THE DARK OVERDOVE OF ALL WILL ANNIHILATE YOU IN YOUR SLEEP!" Grantaire yelled, "HE PROBABLY WILL ANYWAY THAT THING IS SATANIC!"

Enjolras smacked Grantaire across the face.

"OW!"

"Shut up," the blonde hissed, "He'll only go away if you ignore him."

"I'm not going to ever go away now, Enjy," Courfeyrac's voice came from the door again.

"_Oh, Grantaire!_" Enjolras said in a breathy moan, "Mmm, _yes_!"

He accompanied this with a few very sexual-sounding noises.

"Okay, okay I'm going. Have fun sex!"

Courfeyrac's footsteps retreated from the door as Enjolras continued to make sex noises.

"Why did you do that?!" Grantaire demanded, "Now he thinks we're having sex!"

"I don't have sex. Courfeyrac knows that perfectly well. He was just being his usual annoying self. The only way to get rid of him is to satisfy him and making sex noises worked so, whatever."

"Whatever? No, now everyone is going to think we're having sex!"

"Is there a problem with that?" Enjolras turned to Grantaire with a new expression in his eyes.

The next thing Grantaire knew, Enjolras had pinned him to the bottom bunk. Grantaire's face burned red, contrasting against Enjolras' own golden skin, which was so close to his face he thought he might pass out.

Then Enjolras chuckled softly and got off of him. Grantaire found himself surprisingly but profoundly disappointed.

Enjolras rummaged through his drawer and pulled out a couple pairs of clothes, handing one to Grantaire.

"Sleep tight newbie," Enjolras gave him a tight smile and climbed up to the top bunk.

"What… the hell… was that?" Grantaire thought to himself.

**I'm begging you guys, please review c: I can't tell if anyone is enjoying this, as I only have like two follows and absolutely no feedback. Please review? *puppy dog eyes***


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